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Can we just talk for once?

Can we just talk for once?

Just once?

I thought you will stay forever. In worshipping you, I completely forgot that you too, like me, were mortal. Because you were addicted to social media, so this is only an attempt to catch your attention. Can you read my mind? If not my mind, can you read this? Do you have access to the internet there or we are on a live mode in your world? Or maybe there are other pleasures in your new world, other than reading the sick mind or feeling the pangs of pain in a living daughter’s heart. Perhaps, you do not even exist in any other world even. Who knows! Now that’s painful. What about purgatory?. There were so many things that I had to learn from you. What made you hurry? Were you so tired of me troubling you? Yes, of course.. you could not take it anymore. But I was trying to set everything straight and then you left one night..now if I wasn’t fair, were you fair in doing that hell to me? If you think I have forgiven you or your heart for it, sorry..You both are mistaken. I can’t & I won’t. If you are reading this, please I am sorry, I will fix everything.

Can we just talk for once?

Just once?

I miss your call. I miss the way you used to tell me about the rain. It’s raining there and you did not call me. I’m jealous. Yes! I am! I never agreed with you when you used to snub me for my jealousy. Today I confess that I’m the jealous type. I’m annoyed with your joys that exclude me. You have started celebrating the rain without me. You are betraying me. You are betraying a part of yourself. Is it fair in your world to betray a daughter like that without even feeling sorry for it in your new world?  Have you stopped existing? Seems like you are existing nowhere.  How can familial love fail to hear the hushed cries of anguish? Yes, nowhere!

Anyway it’s raining. It’s the heavy one! The one at which you used to stare until it came to a halt. This rain is ruining some hearts and many houses. And I won’t be home this weekend. Home. Home has also ceased to exist after you. After you! This “after you” hurts. You don’t know how much time I spent in using some fucking words that would hurt less, emphasize less about your departure. Yes I can abuse and I know you knew about my abusing skills. You heard it many times too but pretended to hear nothing. I love you for that discrimination that always was obvious when things involved me. Huh..come back..don’t discriminate. Don’t take my side. Don’t be silent about my flaws. Be cruel. Cruel. That you already have become in a way….

Can we just talk for once?

Just once?

I wish you were here ..so that we could talk for hours about God..love..religion…the Shias…shah uncle..Imran Khan..nawaz sharif…css…about mom’s sleep disorder that how you fear she would eat you up one night…the laughter we used to have  then….and the discussion about gul’s abnormal weight..and then the giggles…J’s mental disorders..giggles…baji’s arrogant behaviour…K’s intelligence… my pale face…about the sharbat that you were going to prepare for restoring the redness in my white pale cheeks…

Just come back! Please.. you will find me changed and improved. But you loved the flawed version as well. What made you leave then? Or is it Nature that played the game? Why does She love playing anyway? Now you will be defending Her like you used to.

 

Can we just talk for once?

Just once?

?

Writer: Nelofur Marwat

 

 

About Saeed ur rahman

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